The Sad Truth

SO came home from the hospital on Monday. Since then, I've mostly avoided him. I'm not exactly sure why. Just feels like the right thing to do right now. The 1st night he was home, he came to my room, woke me, and asked me to sleep with him in his room. I did. No sex, just sleep. He's been hinting since to keep sleeping with him, but I haven't. Something's not right. I can just feel it.

I used his car the other day and there on the seat was a print out of emails between him and his old girlfriend. The one right before me, the one he was engaged to, the one he cheated on - the one who ended up marrying one of his best friends. On a hunch, I checked the computer history - he's been on her myspace page every time he logs on to the computer.

I'm tired of this. All of this. I don't why I even care so much about him. Life with him for the last 4 years has been hell. Too many problems to overcome. And now this. I also checked his profile and it's been changed to say he would go back to 1993 (the year he was with her) and do it all different and right if he could.

As far as I am aware, she's still married. But, as we all know - that doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot to some people. I can very easily find out if she's still married or what the status of her marriage is (we're all from the same area, her H's parents are my mothers next door neighbors), but why bother?

Ghosts of the past. I can't fight them. He's got our relationship compartmentalized into "over and done" anyway. Now, it appears he's focusing his energies on resurrecting that part of his past life.

I have to get out of here. Once and for all. I need to move forward with MY life. Get away from him already. If there was just ONE good thing that I could still find; if there was just ONE sign that there was still hope for our R, then I would try and stick it out. But there are no signs. There is no hope. I can't find any more reasons to hold on.

The reality is that he is a man with some very deep issues, issues that he will not seek help for. And even if there wasn't the issue of whether he "loved me", we would still then have to deal with these 'other' difficult issues. But, this relationship is facing a double-whammy. Too many issues. And all for what? I forget.