Going Back In Time

Ok...let's go back in time....1996, Christmas time....I'm almost 28 years old, down on my luck. I had to drop out of college and move back into a 3 room apartment at my mothers because I couldn't afford tuition. The University I was going to was 2 hours away, I was working full-time, well, had just gotten laid off for the winter, and I was devastated about having to drop out. It was the only thing I had ever wanted - my college degree.

As a result, I was drinking - a lot. If memory serves me correct, me and a male friend of mine had been on a binge that was over a month long - I believe it had started around Thanksgiving of that year. We would go out, hopping from happy hour to happy hour every night, get smashed, go home, sleep, then get up and do it again. Not good.

I met SO on the 27th of December. My friend and I made our usual stop at the last bar closest to my apartment. I had actually been the designated driver for the night. Not that it meant the driver didn't drink, just that driver drank LESS than the drinker. I hadn't had too much to drink up to that point, so we headed to the bar, only about 2 miles from my house, where I planned on catching up to him with several shots.

It was there that SO was. And so it turns out, him and my friend knew each other in passing. My friend had done some work at SO's grandfathers house and that's how they sort of knew each other. My friend sat down next to SO and we all began talking.....

It got later and later, and my friend was pretty drunk and decided it was time to go. I wasn't ready. I was just starting to have fun...and it was only about 11 PM. Future SO overheard us arguing about me not wanting to leave and offered to drive me home. On impulse, I said OK. I remember thinking to myself, well, I have seen him around before, he's not a mad rapist, and worse case scenario - I'm close enough that I could always walk home or call my mommy!!! LOL My friend leaves.....SO & I end up talking & drinking the rest of the night. Don't ask about what, because I have no recollection. He drove me home, then I do remember that he asked if I would go out with him the next night. I said no. He wrote his number down and gave it to me anyway, then asked for mine. Now - back then I would NEVER give my number to anyone - well, not a real one anyway. But for some reason, I did give him my real number.

The next afternoon....yeah - afternoon, around 3 or so, lol...my mother comes out and wakes me up, telling me "some guy on the phone insists I wake you up - he really needs to talk to you. " and gives me a strange look. I take the phone and it's SO. He says: You never called me. I said: I told you I wasn't going to. He asked if I wanted to come to his house and he would cook me dinner that night. This intrigued me - I never had a man cook for me before. So, I said yes.

After dinner (now, in hindsight, the cooking for me thing was because he didn't have any money to buy dinner at a restaurant!!!)...Later on, we went out to the bar (from the night before, where he runs a tab, BTW) and had a great time just talking. One of the topics I remember talking about was cheating. I remember him questioning me over & over about cheating and my thoughts on it. I remember thinking at the time that someone must have burned him bad for him to be so suspicious. He did tell me had been engaged, but it ended when he found her cheating with his best friend (whom she ultimately married...all of this comes in to play later on in this saga!).

We went to another bar...I remember watching him - he had gone over to talk with someone - I remember just watching him and he looked me and smiled. All I remember saying to myself at that time was "Oh no, I'm in trouble." I felt myself falling really, really hard right at that moment.

As the night went on, a bunch of his friends joined us. They were drunk and he didn't want them driving so he offered to take them back to his grandparents place. I have to explain - him & his brother & sister lived at their grandparents, however, the grnadparents went to Florida every winter for 4-5 months, so this was the party house!)....anyway, as a result of driving his friends around, there wasn't enough gas left to get me home. (we didn't live in an area where there was such a thing as 24 hour convenience stores!!!)...

I ended up staying the night with him. We slept in the same bed, but didn't do anything. I swear! LOL We really didn't - not that he didn't try, but, as a matter of fact, we didn't end up doing "anything" for about 6 weeks after that first date.

This was 12/28 - a date I will always remember because it was grandmothers birthday...and, ultimately, would come to be our 2nd daughters birthday as well.

After that, we were instantly an item....he constantly called, pursued, came over. It almost got annoying. I still had my friends and my life and I remember telling him I was going out with them (instead of him) and he got mad at me. Including New Years - he was working and I already had tickets to a concert with a bunch of friends in NYC. he got mad when I got home at 3 AM, then asked me to come to the bar because he was still working. (I did.) then afterwards, he came back to my place to sleep - even though I had friends there.

At the time, I just thought he really liked me. I never saw it for what it was. He was bulldozing me. Right from the start. I also thought it had something to do with the fact that he had to go back to Florida to take care of his grandparents and he was trying to cram everything in in the short time we had left....he was actually supposed to go back Jan 3rd or 4th or something and stayed for a few weeks longer.

When he did return to Florida, there was always several calls from him each day, including marathon ones that lasted hours & hours into the early morning. And, jeez - if I wasn't there to take his call, he would get mad at me. Where was I? Who was I with? Pissed because I was out with my male friend (even though it was that particular male friend that introduced us!!). Pissed because ALL of my friends were male. I only have a few close female friends - and they didn't live in the area at the time, so most everyone I hung out with was guys. That's just me and it's the way I've always been. And he didn't like it.

Once again - I didn't see these as evil signs. I saw it as signs that he really cared about me; missed me, and that he had been burned before and he had trust issues because of it. I tried to understand that. I also immediately saw that he was someone who needed a lot of attention. I picked up on his low self-esteem right away and could almost see the chip sitting on his shoulder. I never realized the depths of it all.

Also in those early days, he bombarded with all sorts of information about his life....(way too soon, I thought at the time)...but I listened - once again confusing it with caring about me ....about how he hated his mother because she left him (and his brother & sister) when he was 7. packed up, left his father, and left the kids with his father and initiated a divorce. I believe this is THE key to this mans whole identity crisis.

Then, to add insult to injury, when he was 18, he found out that the man who raised him was NOT his biological father. It turns out that his mother was having an affair with her boss (who was about 30 years older than her) while she was dating his "father". When she found out she was pregnant, she blamed it on the man she was dating and they got married in a hurry. So, SO found this out and I believe that added more fuel to his fire.

I listened to all the stories about his younger days...his brief engagement to a girl he met...all of this happened within the first month or so we met. Then, when we did finally make love, he was the first one to say I love you. I have to laugh, because even now I rememebr that I was thinking "What? because we had sex? Wait a second dude, this is too fast!!!!!" LOL - all those things ran through my mind...and, ahem, No, I didn't say it back. Not right then....it took me a few days to think about it, then I did tell him I loved him, too.

OK...so those are the early days. It was actually kind of fun remembering that stuff. I hadn't really thought about it in a long time. They were good days. fun days. Now, if only the magic of those moments could be captured and sprinkled over today, all would be good! :)