1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. YES!!!!!
2. A pattern of unstable & intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. YES!!!! Even prior to our R
4. Impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) Yes? Spending frivolously; substance abuse (vicodin, percoset which has been going on longer than I originally believed - for at least4 years that I can trace back); Sex? Perhaps....
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior; gestures, or threats. NO - However, constantly says he "will be dead before he is 40".
6. Affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). Sometimes - he's more prone to hold everything INSIDE rather than let it out, but it does happen occasionally; lately, more often
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. He has recently begun stating this to me using the exact words "I always feel empty inside" (By recently I mean over the last 3-4 years; even prior to OW)
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger. At times - usually keeps it all bottled up inside. he can be seething on the inside and you would never know. Very unable to express his anger in a healthy manner.
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. Sometimes he seems "out there". I can't make a determination on this one.
Additional traits:
1. Pervasive shame - feels flawed. The book describes him best: "A shame-based person will guard against exposing his inner self to others, but more significantly, he will guard against exposing himself to himself". He CANNOT look at himself.
2. Undefined boundaries - has difficulty with personal limits - both his own and those of others YES!!
3. Control Issues - feels the need to control other people because they feel so out of control with themselves. YES!!
4. Lack of Object Constancy - finds it difficult to soothe or console himself; if a person is not physically present, they don't exist on an emotional level. May call frequently just to make sure you're still there and care about them. YES!
5. Interpersonal Sensitivity - an amazing ability to read people and uncover their triggers & vulnerabilities. has an astute ability to identify and use social & nonverbal clues of others so they can ultimately use them to their advantage in various situations - YES!
6. Situational Competence - Are competent and in control in some situations example: work. YES
7. Narcissistic Demands - frequently bringing the focus of attention back to themselves; may react to things based solely on how it affects THEM YES
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